Long December

The season always reminds me of things lost; my Grandmother for all her (many) issues made the best cookies. Hundreds of giant gingerbread men wrapped and pinned to the walls of a house sold long ago.  Maybe I should have been a Goth, but I hate the smell of makeup and hairspray. My outlook though wears black velvet and melancholy. Time has shown me that even the greatest of loves ends in tragedy as someone has to die first.

Maybe I had ulterior motives in marrying younger and smoking heavily as long as I did.

The one thing time has given me is knowledge. I have seen my family wane and disperse… never again will we gather the good, the bad and the drunken in the house at the end of a long road. There was a last time for every meeting though you rarely know it. A last call, last good-bye, handshake, hug maybe a few words of wisdom. People are a fire that cannot be rekindled; so to are family eras. Someday the gatherings so important will be distant memories and faded sepia toned photos. Do you want the last one to be missing someone who belongs? Some old argument, politics or just ill will keeping someone out? Don’t be let it be the last year, which could be any year. Invite your oddball liberal cousin, crazy Aunt Ethel or Uncle Don who smokes cigars on the back porch. Take a moment to think of all you have to give not what you stand to lose. One year one of them, or you will be gone and you will have wasted that one last chance to get together, which I can tell you is a feeling that does not fade.

Now another year, a different coast and another farm. But the lesson lingers. Each of us is given only now; the future is a hazy promise wrapped in lies and the past memory. Love those that travel with you now; save memory for another day.

Bridget, Jacob and I made Gingerbread cookies. I made mostly men. Jacob noticed this and started “Well my Grandmother made the best cookies.”


“And it’s been a long December and there’s reason to believe
Maybe this year will be better than the last
I can’t remember all the times I tried to tell my myself
To hold on to these moments as they pass”




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